Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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