its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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