White coat. Heels.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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