Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well you can't waste a boner
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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