why didn't you poke me back
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
