I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
