I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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