She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
