I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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