K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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