2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We have started to decorate penises.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
