I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
