then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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