I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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