I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
