i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
