Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
