It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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