i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
barbara walters just said penis...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
