I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
