I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
