dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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