Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As shirtless as possible
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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