I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
