alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
