That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
