Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
