nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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