Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
