Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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