I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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