if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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