We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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