I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
