She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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