Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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