I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
