I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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