I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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