why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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