can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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