where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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