Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
