yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
