im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
