I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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