just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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