dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
