You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
