fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
