I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
