this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
