Im at strip club and am horny
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
