U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
