Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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